Amazing Reads: Amazing Spider-Man #8

Aw, welcome to Amazing Spider-Man #8. Pointlessness of pointlessness. Pete's plans of world domination come to fruition as he and Flash get in a boxing match. Also, a robot menace.

Also a back up starring Johnny Storm. Need I explain more?

Why do we need a tribute to teenagers?

Allow me to copy outright the opening of this comic: "In the senior science class at Midtown High school, two men wheel a strange-looking machine into the classroom..." So let us know, that what is about to happen is at Midtown Highschool. The same high school where they do radioactive experiments that will give people powers. Apparently they have connections, let's move on. 

So the machine is a scientific marvel the age according to Pete, and and Flash knocks his glasses off. They shatter on the floor.

And the glasses were never seen again.

So, a fight breaks out (verbal) between Flash and Pete. Seriously, glasses are expensive, I own a pair, even the cheapest pair is still a pretty penny. So I get Pete's anger, and if Flash wasn't a painful 1 dimensional character, he'd apologize. But neither here nor there. The robot that has been wheeled in is smart, really really smart, and Pete is asked to volunteer to run it. We cut to the two movers, who are unfortunately dumb as stumps.

It doesn't work that way!

So what shall they ask the computer? Well, who is Spider-Man? Easy enough if they paid attention to the facts they just spout off (5'10, Pete's height, 160lbs, pete's weight, in Forest Hills, where Pete lives) So Peter inputs the facts, and is dreading the answer that the machine may spit out

I'm not sure who to make fun of. Liz Allen, or the mug on the right.

So what comes from the Computer, a string of numbers and letters. Now, I wonder if computers in the mid 1960s were good enough to tabulate that data, cross reference it against all the possible people it could be, and that it would have that information about every person. It can't have that much space. But, back to point, I'm enough of a nerd to question that. Flash tries to take the strip, saying he'll translate it, and Pete says, no way. And they get into a fight. (Almost)

Why is the science teacher saying that!

And next panel, Pete is shirtless and wearing gloves. No one questions that the man has six pack abs, clearly defined muscles. Even call him string bean, are they that blind/stupid? So the fight kicks off, and we get some awesome fun art!

Bam! Pow! Straight to the moon.

Excuse me, I must giggle to myself for a good long while. 

Alright, I'm done. So Flash is punched into the spectators. Pete is worried that he may have gone a little to hard. Flash is very confused. We cut to our movers making off with the robot. They are interrupted, and knock the guy out. They hit the robot, and it is so delicate, that it immediately goes into rampage of death. (So nice that scientist program that into their machines.)

Elsewhere. In the Highschool. Because this is plausible.

Back to the fight. Flash is sucking, hard. A cry goes out, and Pete hits Flash while his head is turned. Now, I'm not a fighter, but if you are that close to his face, that you can't stop from hitting him, he shouldn't be able to move his head like that. Of course, I could be wrong.

Sleepy time.

Alright, so we all know that the action in these books are fun, but I am not here to really retell that. I'm here to mock and mutilate what's going on, so let's make this quick. Pete takes Flash to somewhere to hide, and goes off to be Spider-Man. He does some jumps, and get's his ass handed to him, and then he makes a web wall.

I want one! I want one! I want one!

After a while, the robot is able to use his strength and power to break free. Spidey spends a lot of time jumping around, trying to figure out what to do. As he loses the robot, and finds trapped people. He helps them escape. As he goes to find the robot again, it breaks down a door, and runs over it.

Badum Ching.

Yes, I am a fan of slap-stick. So sue me. Well, Spidey is thrown around, and beaten quite well. He finally gets atop the robot, and turns it off, but it still has moment, so he does something clever, kind of. He swings with it, and then swings back. The robot is stopped, and all is well.

And thus the menace is done.

And so our story winds to an end. Flash takes out the two movers/thieves, accidentally. The other students find him, and call him awesome. Pete gets the fantastic idea to claim Flash is Spider-Man. The others jump on that idea, and he laughs all the way to the bank.

The most plausible explanation ever!

No. I refuse. I refuse to continue this. I've read dull Spider-Man. I've read annoying Spider-Man. I've read self-centered, and stupid. Even read a few good stories. But. This story is crap. This backup was nothing but crap on a crap sandwich and awww who am I kidding. I have to read this. I have to do my best to mock this story. It is my hobby, and damn it, I will continue doing my hobby!

Stalker-Man. Stalker-Man. Does whatever a stalker can.

Painful. Geez is this painful. Spider-Man is hiding behind the wall, and starts being jealous of Flame On. He plans on crashing the party, because, you know he wants a date. (Should I list off the women who are interested in you Pete?) He makes a bat out of web, and Johnny gets caught up in it. And everyone (rightly so) call him an ass.

I hate to agree with Johnny. I hate you comic.

So Johnny flames on, and chases after Spidey. They get to a beach, and Spider-Man grabs a bunch of sand with the webs and puts him out. Johnny goes a bit super nova and goes on the offensive. Spider-Man lands in front of the rest of the Fantastic Four. He then webs up Reed Richards, and throws him. (God damn it Spider-Man)

WHY! For the love of God, WHY!

And so, he ropes up Mr. Fantastic. The Thing tries to crush him with a rock. He jumps around, and becomes annoying. Sue Storm ropes him up in some webbing. She calms the fight between Johnny and Spider-Man. He leaves, and a webbing heart is sitting at Sue's feet.

...I hate you comic. I hate you.

It should surprise no one, but I don't like this comic. The first story seems unreal, boring, and the only pay off is that Pete blames Flash, and accuses him of being Spider-Man. Then we get this atrocious, painful back up.  I hate it. with a passion. Almost as much as I hate One More Day. Which is saying something.

Also, I do apologize for the long wait. Working on bring Panel by Panel back, and other life issues have kept me from sitting down and writing this. It didn't help that this story came up during this tough time, destroying my drive to do this piece. I can't wait till next time.