Amazing Reads: Strange Tales Annual #2

Welcome to the first non Spider-Man title for this series. Well, unless you count the Daredevil one, but I don't really because that was before I figured on just doing separate reviews for modern comics. Back to topic though. Spider-Man and the Human Torch. My favorite, and least favorite Marvel characters...yay...This is going to be a long one, I can tell.

Don't worry, not 72 pages for this reading.

Disclaimer: I am looking at the release dates provided at the website  http://www.spiderfan.org/comics/year/index.html . It is hard to find exact dates of publication for Annuals, but if anyone can provide the proper releases of these books, I will gladly take that information.

We open with Johnny Storm, the Human Torch, performing tricks and training with his sister, Susan Storm, aka the Invisible Woman (girl?). And we get Johnny here being annoyed that Spider-Man gets more press than him. He throws a fit and tears apart the newspaper. Susan pulls a vanishing trick and we sidle away from these two.

Really, Can't be the center of attention for five seconds?

We join a plan in in progress. The Penguin Fox is staring at a painting and plotting how to steal it. They cut the power, and pretend to be repair men. They come in, the come out and take the painting. They also leave behind some webbing behind, so the ignorant security guards blame Spider-Man, you know, not the random repair crew who just showed up.

Because Spider-Man is worse than FF!

The next day rolls around, and everyone is out searching for our Web crawler, and he decides for some god awful reason he thinks Human Torch is who he should go and see. Spidey swings and hitches rides on a train to Glenville, a suburb in Long Island. Spider-Man arrives just in time for Johnny to recieve the call from the police to capture Spider-Man.

I hate you sometimes Spider-Man. So bloody much.

Johnny catches someone outside the room (Spider-Man). And we get the classic mix-up between heroes and they fight. This is the first time for Spidey, and he handles it like a man. By calling Human Torch a nut. They arrive at the pool, and Spider-Man uses his web to scoop up water and splashes Johnny in the face with it. After a brief moment, Spidey runs like the wind.

I love you sometimes Spider-Man. So bloody much.

Spider-Man escapes to a construction yard where a cement truck sits, waiting for a trap for the Human Torch. He whirls the the mixer at super speed, and Splashes the Human Torch with the cement. While the Torch is a statue, Spidey books it. Of course this doesn't hold the hero (I wish it did...). After a bit he breaks free thanks to his flaming powers.

Yes, Johnny, let the criminal go free because you're tired.

While Spider-Man has the advantage, he breaks into a chemical laboratory (So he is a thief, you're point?) and makes a web fluid that acts as a a fire suppressant. It also freeze's about half a foot out of the shooter. We get a panel talking about the Johnny is a whiz at designing sport cars. (I wanna punch this punk!). Spider-Man arrives to confront the Torch. After a few gymnastics, Spider-Man catches the Torch in his ice web.

I like you better like that, Johnny.

So Spider-Man lays some convoluted logic that only a teenager could think of. And only one a teenager would believe. So glad they're both morons. So we get another theft off screen, and the police inspector still suspects Spider-Man. (Where is J.J. during this, shouldn't he be having a happy dance?) But a foil is in the plan. Spider-Man was out a tussling with the Human Torch. So, they pull out the next most likely suspect, a man named after an animal. The Fox! Human Torch lights up the sky looking for Spidey, and the Wall crawler response.

Please, you would think of it Johnny.

So, after Human Torch acts like a cocky ass, they decide to check out the subway. Spider-Man meets an old Lady looking for help. She asks the Spider to hold her bag, which starts to melt and glue covers Spidey's arms, preventing him from acting. The Old Lady pulls a gun and reveals herself to be THE FOX! Before he can fire though, The Human torch blasts the gun, melting it. The Fox goes running off, and the two chase after him on the tracks.

And thus, Spider-Man died. He had a nice funeral.

I like this part. It was between the panel above and the next one with him going underneath the rail cars. I just like the joke for the panel above better. But the next one has him on the ground, as if he just now notices a trap door because he was nearly hit by a train. Reminds me of Superman The Movie, kinda.

So our two heroes go through the trap door and find a hidden hide out, that's coxy. No one is there, so plot convenience Spider-Sense tells him to head to the Bowery. They find a Wooden Indian selling cigars, and below it a hidden passage. They find two goons, who fire upon them. They are wrapped up quickly.

Everybody gets one.

So the goons rat out THE FOX, who has run away. We get more filler as the two fly around to another hidey hole. They make their way up out of it, and find a crazy man selling looks through a telescope at the moon. Spider-Man wants to ask him a question. The guy darts off. Not the smartest guy, is he?

He's got rocket skates though. And he blasts off. But looky! Spidey catches up to him and grabs hold of him.

Maybe ye shouldn't have run, dear Fox.

Alternate Joke: You sir are no Chameleon.

So we see the crazy guy was THE FOX. (Are we surprised?) And that the telescope hid the painting. The two heroes walk away bickering like an old married couple.

You're still a moron Torch!

So what do I think of this issue? Well, to give you a good idea, I started writing this piece three or four days ago, and had to take time off to write other reviews, because I couldn't stand this. It's BORING! So bloody boring. I fell asleep reading this. It doesn't help I don't like Johnny, but I don't feel much of a threat, and frankly, outside of a few stupid things, there wasn't much to make fun of. 

Strange Tales Annual #2: 2 stars. It's not so bad I hate it. Infact, it's helped me get some sleep.